Anger - Can you control it or is it controlling you?
Anger is a normal emotion to experience as a human. We can get angry when we feel hurt, or when something affects us. Anger is an emotion that allows us to understand when we feel ignored, unheard, or challenged. However it’s important to understand when you feel anger and when that anger starts controlling you.
Anger is often perceived as a negative emotion but it really is a part of life that we all experience. We may feel angry or frustrated in different situations and often the anger or frustration is helping us by:
Identifying problems within our environment
When something or someone is hurting us
When we want change in an ongoing issue on macrolevels such the news we hear
When we feel that there is injustice or discrimination
When we perceive danger
When we feel powerless
For anyone in a situation like above, your brain and body are reflecting what you feel. However it is important to identify when we are feeling anger as a short term emotional response versus when the anger is a long term emotion that is controlling our decisions and behaviors.
When Anger Controls
When anger starts affecting our behaviors and other aspects of our lives it may be important to receive support in managing that anger. Such behaviors may include:
Using destructive ways to express anger such as breaking things or using violence against others and your self
Unable to control what you say that could hurt the people around you such as family and friends
Feeling angry all the time and being unable to process or express it
Having difficulty remembering things when you are angry or feel like you “blank out” when you’re angry
Using alcohol or other substances to numb the anger
What to Do
Here are a few ways to process anger and get a better control over it:
Breathing - As simple as it sounds, by focusing on our breathing, we interrupt things going on in our body and mind by focusing on the present and being mindful of the air going in and out. Deep breaths can help relieve tension that may be on our shoulder and chest providing some physical relief.
Imagery - Close your eyes and create a safe environment. Imagine standing on the beach, the warmth of the sun, the fresh air, and just you existing. Imagery can be a powerful tool for guidance in pausing the moment. When we imagine, we take a step back from the chaos and utilize our sensory tools to relax.
Exercise, physical activity, or yoga- A physical way to process anger for some can be a physical exercise. High intense workouts can help some whereas yoga may be more beneficial to others. Even taking a walk when we feel angry can allow for some alleviation.
Cognitive restructuring - When you get angry you may think in a way where reality may be exaggerated. For example, if you’re angry at something that happened you may say “Damn it, it’s wrong”, replace it with words that validate your emotions and iterate that it will be okay, such as “This makes me angry because now I have to do it again but it’s not the end of the world. So it’s okay.” Changing the way we speak to ourselves and others can help slowly decrease the anger and help you get control of the situation.
However, sometimes, it can be hard to follow through with things that may help process your anger and that is okay! It can take practice for you to get a control of your anger. If you feel that you are really struggling with controlling your anger, professional help can be a great support.
Therapy - Your therapist can help you explore where your anger is coming from and the ways you react. They can work with you in exploring your emotional regulation, your anger levels, and provide tools to help you manage when you do feel angry.
You are not alone if you are having issues with controlling your anger or even being unsure if your anger levels are concerning. Talking to someone can help. Your therapist can offer questions and challenges to help you get a better understanding of your anger, your reactions, and what you can do to process anger and manage the outcomes you may be struggling with.
Resources
Mind - Anger
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/about-anger/
American Psychological Association - Control Anger before it Controls You