The holidays can bring up a lot of feelings, especially when spending time with family isn't always easy. You might already be thinking about a relative who makes comments about your personal life, a family member who doesn't respect your choices, or political conversations that tend to turn into arguments. There can also be pressure to attend every gathering, agree to plans, and spend more money than you're comfortable with.

If family relationships have been difficult, this time of year can make it harder to stick to your own limits. Boundaries and people-pleasing therapy in Syracuse, NY can help you understand what you need from those relationships and prepare for situations that tend to leave you feeling anxious, frustrated, or overwhelmed.

How Boundaries and People-Pleasing Therapy in Syracuse, NY Can Help You Prepare for Family Gatherings

Family gatherings can bring you back into familiar roles. You might feel responsible for keeping everyone happy, avoiding disagreements, or going along with plans even when they don't work for you. Political differences can add another layer of tension. When someone's political views are closely connected to their personal values and identity, a disagreement can feel much more personal than a difference of opinion. Family members can end up feeling judged or dismissed, making it harder to have a conversation without it turning into an argument. Laszloffy and Platt (2024) discuss how political differences can affect family relationships and the importance of listening and understanding without expecting everyone to agree.

Therapy gives you a chance to think through these situations before they happen. You can look at which relationships feel healthy for you, where you need clearer limits, and how you want to respond when someone doesn't respect them. This can also include the pressure to attend every event, host family members, travel, or buy gifts when doing so creates financial stress. Sharon Martin (2021) points out that holiday boundaries can include limits around time, spending, social commitments, and even which conversations you're willing to have. Your needs and personal limits deserve consideration during the holidays, too.

A Few Ways to Prepare for Difficult Family Situations

You don't need to have every conversation planned out before the holidays. It can help to think about what tends to happen and what you want to do differently this year.

• Decide what you're comfortable discussing. Political differences, relationships, parenting, finances, and other personal topics can lead to tense conversations. Think about which subjects you're willing to discuss and what you might say when you'd rather change the subject. You can say, "I'd rather not get into that today." You don't have to convince someone to agree with you or keep explaining your point of view.

• Be realistic about your plans and spending. You don't have to attend every gathering or agree to every invitation. Think about how much time and money you can comfortably put toward holiday plans before making commitments. Saying no to an event, leaving early, or choosing a less expensive way to celebrate doesn't mean you care any less about your family.

• Think about what you'll do if someone crosses a boundary. If a family member continues making comments or turns a conversation into an argument, consider what would help you feel more comfortable. That could mean changing the subject, taking a break, limiting how long you stay, or deciding to leave. You can communicate what you need, but you can't control whether someone else respects your request.

These are also things you can work through in therapy. During a first session, your therapist will ask about what's been going on, what feels difficult in your relationships, and what you'd like to change. You can talk about a specific family situation you're anticipating or look at patterns that have been affecting you for a long time. You can also practice how you want to respond so you're not trying to find the words in the middle of a stressful conversation. Setting boundaries can take practice, especially when family members are used to things being a certain way (Martin, 2021).

Get Support Before the Holiday Season Gets Busy

If you're already feeling anxious about family gatherings or struggling with the expectations that come with the holidays, you don't have to wait until things become overwhelming to get support. At Cardinal Hope Mental Health Counseling Services, we provide virtual therapy for adults throughout New York who want help with boundaries, people-pleasing, and difficult family relationships.

You can learn more about our therapy for boundaries and people-pleasing. When you're ready, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Laura to talk about getting started. You deserve to make room for what feels right for you this holiday season, even when other people have different expectations.

Resources:

• Tracey A. Laszloffy and Jason J. Platt, Bridging Our Political Differences, Family Therapy Magazine, 2024. Their discussion highlights how political disagreements can become tied to identity and strain family relationships. They also describe ways to keep conversations constructive without requiring people to change their beliefs.

• Sharon Martin, Healthy Holiday Boundaries, Psychology Today, December 16, 2021. This article discusses limits around social commitments, spending, family interactions, saying no, and following through when boundaries are challenged.