How Childhood Trauma Affects Adult Relationships
It’s easy to think the past is behind you until you find yourself reacting in ways that feel too big for the moment.
You shut down during conflict, even when your partner is calm. You assume people are mad at you, even if they haven’t said a word. You feel like you’re too much for others or not enough all at the same time. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I keep ending up in the same kinds of relationships?” you’re not alone. And more importantly, it’s not your fault.
Childhood trauma doesn’t just disappear because we’ve grown up. It can quietly shape the way we connect, cope, and love often without us even realizing it.
The Invisible Echo of Childhood
Early emotional wounds don’t always show up as big, dramatic events. Sometimes it’s the things that didn’t happen the parent who didn’t see you, the comfort you never received, the needs that were brushed aside.
Over time, these experiences can affect:
Your sense of safety in relationships: You may expect abandonment, betrayal, or disapproval.
Your communication patterns: Maybe you freeze during conflict or over-explain yourself to avoid being misunderstood.
Your self-worth: Feeling “not good enough” might be your default, even when others affirm you.
These are adaptive responses your brain learned what it needed to do to survive. But as an adult, they can start to interfere with the connections you truly want and deserve.
Trauma Isn’t Just About the Past — It’s How the Past Shows Up Today
Many of our clients at Cardinal Hope Mental Health Counseling come to us feeling stuck. They’re tired of overthinking, feeling anxious in their relationships, or reacting in ways they can’t fully explain. When we start exploring their experiences, we often find a thread that goes back further to childhood dynamics that were never fully processed or named.
This might sound like:
“I feel like I have to earn love or affection.”
“I avoid conflict at all costs I can’t handle the tension.”
“I don’t know how to trust people, even the ones who are good to me.”
These are not personality flaws. They’re signs of unresolved trauma showing up in adult life.
Healing Is Not About Blame — It’s About Awareness and Change
You don’t have to relive every painful memory to heal, but understanding the impact of those memories can be life-changing. That’s where therapy can help especially with someone trained in trauma-informed care.
At our practice, therapist Tessa Fellows specializes in helping adults explore the lingering effects of childhood trauma in a way that feels grounded, compassionate, and safe.
Her approach blends narrative and somatic techniques, meaning she not only helps clients understand their stories she helps them feel differently in their bodies, relationships, and sense of self.
Resources:
American Psychological Association. (2024). Understanding Complex Trauma. https://www.apa.org
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2025). Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
Mental Health America. (2025). Mental Health and Childhood Trauma Statistics. https://www.mhanational.org