Finding a therapist you click with can take some time. If you’re looking for an LGBTQ+-affirming therapist in New York, you might be wondering whether you’ll feel comfortable talking about your identity, your relationships, your family, or whatever else has been on your mind. It matters to know that the person you’re talking to gets it and that you won’t have to spend your sessions explaining parts of your life before you can get to what you actually want help with.

There’s a difference between a therapist who says they welcome LGBTQ+ clients and one who understands what that looks like in practice. It can show up in the language they use, the questions they ask, and how they talk about the experiences that can affect your life. If you’re trying to figure out where to start, here are five things to look for.

1. They Respect Your Identity and the Language You Use

Pay attention to how a therapist talks about gender and sexuality. Do they understand that everyone’s experience is different? Do they leave room for people to describe themselves in their own words rather than making assumptions about labels, pronouns, or relationships?

These things can make a difference in how comfortable you feel opening up. A therapist who asks respectfully when they’re unsure and takes the time to understand your language helps make the conversation feel more natural. You can focus on what brought you to therapy instead of worrying about whether you’ll be misunderstood.

2. Their Intake Forms and Questions Feel Inclusive

Sometimes, you get your first impression of a therapy practice before you even meet the therapist. Take a look at the intake forms and the language on their website. Do they assume everyone is straight? Are there only a couple of options for gender? Does the paperwork leave room for different identities and relationships?

It might seem like a small detail, but these things can tell you something about how a practice approaches inclusivity. The same goes for the questions a therapist asks. You want to be able to talk about your life and relationships without having to correct assumptions along the way.

3. They Understand the Bigger Picture, Too

A lot of what affects our mental health has to do with what’s happening around us. LGBTQ+ community can face discrimination, family rejection, barriers to affirming healthcare, and the stress of being in spaces where they don’t feel accepted. These experiences can affect confidence, relationships, and how safe someone feels being themselves. Therapy can offer space to work through the effects of difficult experiences and trauma, especially when those experiences continue to affect everyday life.

A therapist doesn’t need to assume that every LGBTQ+ person has had the same experiences. They should understand that these larger issues exist and be willing to talk about how they affect you if they’re part of your story. It’s helpful to work with someone who gets that your struggles don’t happen in a vacuum and who’s also interested in understanding your experience as an individual.

4. They Let You Figure Things Out at Your Own Pace

There isn’t one way to be LGBTQ+. People have different relationships with their identities, families, partners, and communities. You might be exploring parts of your identity, working through a difficult relationship, dealing with family tension, or looking for support with something else entirely.

A good therapist makes room for all of that. They won’t assume they know your story based on your identity, and they won’t push you to come out, make a relationship decision, or take a step you’re not ready for. Therapy can be a place to talk things through and figure out what feels right for you, without someone else deciding what that should look like.

5. You Get a Chance to See How It Feels to Talk With Them

Reading a therapist’s profile can give you a sense of who they work with and how they approach therapy. Look for information about their experience with LGBTQ+ clients and the concerns they support. Their photo and the way they describe their work can also help you get a feel for their personality.

A consultation is a chance to ask questions and see how the conversation feels. You could ask about their experience working with LGBTQ+ clients or how they approach topics like identity, relationships, and family acceptance. You don’t need to have a whole list of questions ready. Start with whatever you’d want to know before deciding whether to move forward.

Looking for LGBTQ+-Affirming Therapy in New York?

Finding a therapist is about more than choosing someone who works with a particular concern. You also want to feel comfortable talking about what’s going on in your life and know that the person you’re working with will take your experiences seriously.

At Cardinal Hope, Marcella DeAngelis works with women and LGBTQ+ clients navigating identity, self-esteem, difficult relationships, and the effects of past experiences. She offers virtual therapy in New York, with space to talk through what’s been going on and what you want for yourself moving forward.

If you’re thinking about starting therapy, Cardinal Hope offers a free 15-minute consultation. It’s a chance to ask questions, learn more about the process, and see whether working together feels like a good fit.

Schedule your free 15-minute consultation