You've brought up couples therapy with your partner because you're unhappy with how things have been going. You want to work on the relationship, improve communication, or get some help with the same issues that seem to keep coming up. Your partner, though, isn't interested.

That can put you in a frustrating position. You know something needs to change, but it feels like you can't move forward when the person you're in a relationship with doesn't want to get help. You might also be wondering whether there's anything you can do on your own or if you just have to wait until your partner is ready.

There are a few things worth considering when one person wants couples therapy and the other doesn't. Starting individual therapy is one option, and it can give you a way to work through what's happening in your relationship even if your partner isn't ready to attend sessions.

Why Might My Partner Be Against Couples Therapy?

People have different feelings about therapy, and there are plenty of reasons someone might hesitate when their partner brings up couples counseling.

For some, it's connected to how they grew up or what they were taught about relationships. There may be a belief that relationship problems should stay within the family, that you should be able to work things out on your own, or that talking about your relationship with someone else means sharing your private business.

Others worry that going to therapy means the relationship is in serious trouble. They may picture a therapist taking sides, pointing out everything that's wrong, or telling them what they need to change. There can also be a sense that asking for help means the relationship has somehow failed.

Those concerns can make couples therapy feel like a much bigger step than it actually is. Couples don't have to be on the verge of separating to benefit from working with a therapist. Many come in because they want to communicate better, understand each other, work through recurring disagreements, or feel more connected.

What Actually Happens in Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy gives both partners a chance to talk about what's happening in their relationship with the support of a therapist. Sessions can focus on communication, recurring conflict, trust, intimacy, unmet needs, or other concerns affecting the relationship.

The therapist isn't there to decide who's right or wrong. The work involves understanding what's happening between you, looking at how each person contributes to the dynamic, and figuring out what you both want to work toward.

You can also reach out to our practice with questions about the process before deciding whether to schedule. We're happy to explain what couples therapy looks like, talk through your concerns, and help you understand what getting started would involve.

What If My Partner Still Doesn't Want to Go?

You can try having another conversation about why couples therapy is important to you. It may help to explain what you've been struggling with and what you hope could change, rather than making the conversation only about getting your partner to agree to therapy.

You can also ask what concerns they have about going. Understanding what's behind their hesitation may help you have a more productive conversation.

If they're still not interested, you don't have to put your own needs on hold. Individual therapy can be a way to get support with what's happening in your relationship, even when your partner isn't involved.

Can Individual Therapy Help With Relationship Problems?

Yes. Individual therapy can give you a place to talk through what's happening in your relationship and better understand how it's affecting you.

You might want to work on things like:

• Understanding why certain conversations or situations bring up strong reactions.

• Looking at how past relationships or family experiences affect the way you approach relationships now.

• Getting more comfortable expressing your needs and setting boundaries.

• Finding ways to manage stress and cope with recurring relationship challenges.

• Figuring out what you want and what you need moving forward.

This work can help you better understand your own feelings and reactions, make changes in how you communicate, and think through decisions about your relationship.

There is a difference between individual therapy and couples therapy, though. When you attend individual sessions, the focus is on your experiences, your goals, and your part in the relationship. Your therapist isn't working with both partners or helping you have conversations together as a couple.

You can still work on relationship concerns without attending couples therapy. The focus is simply on what you can explore and work toward individually.

Can You Attend Individual Therapy While You're Also in Couples Therapy?

Yes. Some people choose to have their own individual therapist while also attending couples therapy with their partner.

The two types of therapy have different focuses. Couples therapy gives you a place to work on the relationship together, while individual therapy allows you to spend time on your own experiences and goals.

For example, individual sessions may give you an opportunity to talk through something that came up during a couples session, explore your reactions, or think about how you want to approach a difficult conversation. Having that individual support can complement the work you're doing together.

Individual Therapy for Relationship Concerns at Cardinal Hope

If your partner isn't ready for couples therapy but you want support with what's happening in your relationship, individual therapy may be a good place to start.

At Cardinal Hope Mental Health Counseling Services, we have therapists who work with adults on relationship concerns, boundaries, self-esteem, and the experiences that can affect how we connect with others.

Marcella De Angelis, LP-MHC, works with women and LGBTQ+ clients who want to explore their identity, build self-esteem, work through difficult relationship experiences, and reconnect with their sense of self. She may be a good fit if you're questioning yourself in relationships, working on rebuilding confidence, or trying to understand how past experiences continue to affect you.

Tessa Fellows, LMHC, works with adults, including women who are dealing with anxiety, people-pleasing, boundaries, difficult family dynamics, and life transitions. If relationship concerns are connected to having difficulty speaking up for yourself or feeling responsible for everyone else's needs, individual therapy with Tessa may be worth exploring.

Both offer virtual therapy for adults in New York.

Ready to Get Started?

You don't have to wait until your partner is ready for couples therapy to get support for yourself. Individual therapy can be a starting point for working through relationship concerns, understanding what you need, and deciding what you want moving forward.

Cardinal Hope offers virtual therapy for individuals and couples in New York and New Jersey, depending on the clinician and service. We also offer a free 15-minute consultation so you can ask questions and learn more about getting started.

Contact US today