Why You Carry Everyone’s Feelings (and How to Let Go This Holiday)
You know the feeling: it’s mid-December and the holiday tension has started someone is quiet at dinner, or a relative snaps at you, and your heart tightens because you just know it’s somehow your job to smooth things over. You replay what you said, apologize (even if you didn’t do anything “wrong”), and feel exhausted for days. If you’ve ever thought, “If I don’t fix this, they’ll never be okay,” you’re probably carrying more emotional weight than you should.
That burden often comes from early life patterns — maybe you grew up being the peacekeeper or the one who “felt what others felt” because that’s how you kept your family stable. Psychologically, this can show up as codependency, where you take on responsibility for how others feel, and your own needs get lost in the shuffle. Research on emotional responsibility confirms that when we feel constantly responsible for the emotions of others, we risk losing our sense of self.
Over time, this pattern leads to emotional burnout, strained relationships, and resentment. The more you feel like you’re the only one who “holds it all together,” the more isolated you become especially around the holidays, when family expectations and pressure to keep the peace can feel overwhelming.
So, how do you stop being the emotional glue without feeling like a selfish person?
First: notice the belief driving this. Often, people who feel over-responsible for others’ emotions grew up learning that love and safety depended on them staying calm, helping, or managing the feelings of those around them. That’s a heavy legacy but it’s not yours to carry anymore.
In therapy, you can start to untangle these patterns. At Cardinal Hope, we help you:
Understand where this emotional caretaking came from (maybe childhood trauma or parentification),
Build healthier boundaries around other people’s feelings,
Reconnect with emotions that belong to you and learn how to express them safely,
Practice letting others have emotional experiences without feeling compelled to “fix” them.
The holidays can be a powerful time for this work. As you sit around the table, sharing stories, laughter, or hard moments, therapy helps you lean into the part of you that cares deeply without collapsing under the weight of “responsibility.” You’ll begin to feel safer, more connected, and more spacious in your own emotional world.
If you’re ready to stop carrying the burden of everyone else’s feelings and start living a life where your own emotional needs matter, let’s talk. Book a virtual session with one of our trauma or relationship-focused therapists today, and let’s do this work together.
Resources
“Codependency and Perfectionism: Why You Feel Responsible for Everyone Else’s Happiness” — Center for Mindful Therapy Center for Mindful Therapy
“Why You Feel Responsible For Other People’s Feelings” — Sabrina Smith, LCSW-S Sabrina Smith Therapy PLLC
“Why We Feel Responsible for Others’ Emotions & How EMDR Can Help” — Alison Sutcliffe alisonsutcliffe.com
“Untangling Emotional Responsibility” — Counselling Directory