You've been thinking about getting help with your relationship, but your partner isn't interested in going to couples therapy. Maybe you've brought it up a few times, or you've reached a point where you feel like you need someone to talk to about what's been happening. You might be wondering whether you can go to marriage counseling on your own or if therapy only makes sense when both people are willing to attend.

The answer is yes. You can work through relationship concerns in individual therapy, even when your partner isn't involved. It gives you a place to talk about what's been happening, better understand your own experiences, and figure out what you want moving forward.

Can You Go to Marriage Counseling Without Your Spouse?

You can attend individual therapy to talk about your marriage or relationship without your partner coming with you. The difference is that you're attending as an individual client rather than participating in couples therapy. In couples therapy, both partners work with a therapist on concerns affecting the relationship, such as communication patterns, recurring disagreements, unmet needs, and feeling disconnected. In individual therapy, the focus is on your experience within the relationship, including how certain situations affect you and what you'd like to understand or work on.

What Can You Work on in Individual Therapy When You're Having Relationship Problems?

A lot of the things that bring people to couples therapy can also be explored in individual sessions. The difference is that the work focuses on your own feelings, experiences, and goals.

For example, you might want to talk about:

• Communication: Having difficulty expressing what you need, bringing up concerns, or talking about difficult subjects without becoming overwhelmed.

• Boundaries: Feeling like you're always putting your partner's needs first or having a hard time speaking up when something isn't working for you.

• Emotional reactions: Understanding why certain conversations or situations bring up strong feelings and how you tend to respond when conflict comes up.

• Past experiences: Exploring how earlier relationships, family dynamics, or other experiences may be influencing the way you approach your current relationship.

• Relationship decisions: Sorting through your feelings about the relationship and figuring out what you want or need moving forward.

Ongoing relationship difficulties can affect other parts of your life, too. Individual therapy can give you a place to process that stress, understand what's been weighing on you, and consider what you want to do with that information.

Can Individual Therapy Actually Help Your Relationship?

Even though you're the only person attending therapy, the work you do individually can affect how you show up in your relationship. As you become more aware of your reactions, communication habits, and boundaries, you may start approaching certain situations differently. You might feel more comfortable expressing what you need, recognize when you're getting pulled into the same disagreement, or have a better understanding of what has been bothering you.

Individual therapy can also help you think through what you want from the relationship, including what needs to change and what feels right for you moving forward. This doesn't mean you're responsible for fixing the relationship on your own. Your partner still has their own feelings, choices, and role in what happens between you. The focus is on understanding your own experiences and deciding what you want to work toward.

What If My Partner Eventually Becomes Open to Couples Therapy?

Starting individual therapy doesn't mean couples therapy is off the table later. Your partner may become more open to the idea, or you may both decide that having support together would be helpful. Some people also choose to attend individual therapy while participating in couples therapy because the two serve different purposes.

Couples therapy focuses on what's happening between partners and the goals they're working toward together. Individual therapy gives each person a separate place to explore their own experiences and personal goals. For example, you might use individual sessions to talk through something that came up during a couples session or better understand why a particular conversation was difficult for you. If you're considering both, it's helpful to discuss the arrangement with your therapists so everyone understands their role and confidentiality expectations.

Individual Therapy for Relationship Concerns at Cardinal Hope

If you've been thinking about marriage counseling but your partner isn't ready to attend, individual therapy may be a good place to start.

At Cardinal Hope Mental Health Counseling Services, we have therapists who work with adults on relationship concerns, boundaries, self-esteem, and the experiences that can affect how we connect with others.

Marcella De Angelis, LP-MHC, works with women and LGBTQ+ clients who want to explore identity, build self-esteem, work through difficult relationship experiences, and reconnect with their sense of self. If you're questioning yourself in relationships, trying to rebuild confidence after a difficult experience, or working on trusting your own feelings, individual therapy with Marcella may be worth exploring.

Tessa Fellows, LMHC, works with adults, including women who are dealing with anxiety, people-pleasing, boundaries, difficult family dynamics, and life transitions. If you've been putting your own needs aside, having trouble speaking up, or feeling responsible for keeping everyone else happy, therapy with Tessa can give you a place to work through those concerns.

Both offer virtual therapy for adults in New York.

You Can Get Support Even If Your Partner Isn't Ready

Wanting help with your relationship doesn't mean you have to wait until both people are ready to attend therapy. Individual therapy can help you work through what's been happening, understand your own needs, and figure out what you want moving forward.

At Cardinal Hope, we offer virtual therapy for individuals and couples in New York and New Jersey, depending on the clinician and service. We also offer a free 15-minute consultation so you can ask questions, learn more about the process, and explore which therapist might be a good fit.

Contact us today

Is your partner hesitant about couples therapy? Read more about what to consider when your partner doesn't want to attend.